The Words from My Dad That Rescued Us as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the reality soon turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good spot. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate between men, who often internalise harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a display of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to ask for a break - going on a few days abroad, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a friend, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - looking after you is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, changed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."